


Simon's Nights

by LilMcGill



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Frottage, Grinding, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Simon is in Denial, Simon's POV, Then she's gone, Very brief Grimm family, Very brief Simon and Agatha, With a capitol D
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-20 08:03:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14890682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilMcGill/pseuds/LilMcGill
Summary: Companion piece to Unspoken Rules. Same plot line, but from Simon's perspective. I think it would make more sense if you read that first. But don't let that keep you from reading this if you haven't! Be a rebel if you want.





	1. What the Fuck Was I Thinking?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Unspoken Rules](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14815317) by [LilMcGill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilMcGill/pseuds/LilMcGill). 



> A huge thank you to When_You_Leave for wanting to know what Simon was thinking during Unspoken Rules. Now we know. It's not quite what I thought it was when I was writing from Baz's perspective.
> 
> I didn't think I'd be writing again this soon, but once I started thinking about it I couldn't let it go.

It was Welcome to Watford night. I never miss it. It always makes me think of my first night at Watford. The littluns are so cute, trying out their new magic. Something always goes wrong, and it's fun when I wasn't the one who caused it.

Agatha wouldn't let me stay and watch the Crucible. I told her it was my last time to see it, but she just gave me one of her Agatha looks so I went with her. A group of our friends had taken over the Minotaur's classroom, and were well on their way to getting pissed. 

I fixed a couple of drinks for Agatha and me. I got as comfortable as I could in my Watford uniform. (I always wear my uniform to Welcome to Watford.) My tie was off, shirt unbuttoned, vest untucked. I was relaxed. (That might have been the alcohol). It was a good way to start off my last year.

Everybody was talking about sex. I don't know how we got to that. It was weird hearing this stuff with Agatha right beside me, but she didn't seem to be bothered. Maybe it was because neither of us had anything to say. It turned out that even though we had the longest relationship, we were the least experienced.

Agatha and I had never really progressed past kissing. We kissed a lot, and I liked it, but kissing was enough. I had too much on my mind to think about doing more, or what doing more actually meant. Besides, the More was part of our Happily Ever After. 

I don't think about Agatha when I get myself off. It just seems wrong. I don't think at all, just concentrate on the feeling. It's not like I do it a lot, but sometimes you just have to.

The talk was getting dirtier and hotter and I was definitely having a reaction. I couldn't help thinking, really thinking, about everything they described. 

I got a stiffy. I couldn't do anything about it and the talk around the room was not helping. It was getting pretty uncomfortable. 

Agatha leaned over my lap to grab another drink. She accidentally brushed against me and could tell I was hard. I don't think she'd ever been aware of me being hard before. I don't know if I ever had been when we were around each other.

She looked completely disgusted and said “Simon!” to me under her breath. Like she does when I'm about to do something wrong and embarrass her.

I felt awful. I could imagine what Agatha was thinking of me and it wasn't good. I just had to get out of there. So I ran. I ran out of the classroom and out of the building. I ran all the way to Mummer's House.

My dick was still reacting to Agatha accidentally brushing against it. The more I tried to make it go down, the more I remembered all the things that got it so hard in the first place. I just needed to get to my room and cool down. 

I actually wanted Baz to be there, because fighting with him would definitely make me soft again.

It didn't quite work out that way.

*

Baz _was_ there, thank magic. 

Running up stairs made me hot so I took my shirt off as soon as I got in the door. I didn't realize my mistake right away, but Baz had a look in his eyes. It was his plotting look.

“You know, Snow, if you don't take care of that you'll ache all night and your restlessness will interrupt my sleep.” 

He must have seen it when I pulled my shirt over my head. Now I was even more humiliated. And strangely, even more turned on. 

I grabbed my pyjamas and went to the bathroom, hoping a cold shower would fix the problem. I can't really stand cold showers, I had too many in care. It was more like a lukewarm shower. It didn't help.

Baz probably expected me to wank in the shower, and I'm sure he was going to give me hell about it when I came out. That made me think about Baz thinking about me wanking in the shower. Then I wondered how many times _he_ had wanked in this shower.

It was hopeless. The only way I was getting rid of this was to jerk it. I probably could have taken care of it in record time, before I left the bathroom. My dick was so sensitive that the towel made it twitch when I was trying to dry off. But I wouldn't give Baz the satisfaction of knowing I'd done it. 

And that's why I'm standing here with an obvious tent in my pyjama pants and letting Baz see that I did not “take care of it” like he was thinking I would do. I should be embarrassed, but I want him to see it. I didn't wank in the shower. I win.

*

Turns out I am embarrassed. Because Baz is embarrassed. He's blushing and I'm blushing and this didn't go at all like I expected it to.  
I go to bed. (Baz is already in bed, he reminded me.) (He's such an arse.)

Of course, he's not going to let this go.

“If you're going to attempt to take care of your little problem now that the lights are out, please do so without making noise. And keep your magic under control. I'd prefer our room not catch fire the first night.”

Fuck him. My magic stays put when I'm getting myself off. It's never been a problem. Does his magic come out when he's jerking off? Why do I keep thinking about Baz and jerking off? Why does it make me harder? I think it's just the situation I'm in. It's not him. Everything is turning me on right now.

He was right, the tosser. (But not about my magic). If I don't take care of this I'll never get to sleep. It's starting to get painful.

He's not sleeping, I know what that sounds like. He's probably waiting for me to sleep so he can go be a vampire in the catacombs. But I can't sleep. 

Well fuck him. Let him watch if he's going to stay here, awake like that. Fuck Me, I think I want him to watch. No. I don't. (Maybe I do) (NO!)

I'm so far gone by now that anything's fair game. If thinking about Baz watching me wank is going to get me there faster, well I'm just gonna go with it. 

I look toward Baz's bed. I can't see shit of course. But I can imagine what it'd be like if he was looking back.

I'm trying to be quiet, because in spite of the fantasy I am currently having, I really don't want Baz to hear me. I can't help a little noise when I come, though.

I'm laying here and I still can't believe that I wanked to thoughts of Baz watching me. I can't stop thinking about it. I realize I'm still looking in the direction of his bed and that shocks me back to my senses. 

I roll over to face the wall, and I go to sleep. I'm not going to think about it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about super innocent Agatha and Simon?


	2. I Think He Knows

I'm still thinking about it, three days later. 

The morning after, I expected Baz to give me shit about it. He was still asleep when I left for breakfast, so I thought he'd hit me with it later. All day long he just kept acting like normal old Baz. He didn't say anything or look at me funny. He would have used it against me by now, yeah? But what if he's waiting for the worst, most humiliating moment to bring it up?

I couldn't let it go. I still can't let it go. I have to figure out if he saw me or not. 

*

Agatha has gone to some horse thing, so I was able to spend more time watching Baz today. I need him to slip up, say or do something so I'll know for sure.

Penny refused to go to the pitch with me, so I had to watch football practice in the stands by myself. She didn't want to hear about any more plotting, which was good, because I don't think I could tell her. She's my best friend. We have a No Secrets pact. But I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to think about me wanking. And she really doesn't want to think about Baz watching me.

We're both back in the room now and he is being such a prat. It's practically still summer and he wants the window closed. If he wasn't a fucking vampire he wouldn't be so cold all the time. It's a stupid thing to fight about, but Baz won't back off. I feel my magic rising up and pretty soon there won't even be a window anymore. He knows I'm about to go off, and he leaves. But he has to say one more asshole thing before he closes the door.

I hate him. I really fucking do. And I'm opening the window.

I lay in bed and go over everything I've seen while watching Baz the last few days. He's plotting, I know it. There was something about the way he glared at me from the pitch that made me sure. And he was really showing off how fit he is. Maybe he thinks I wanked because I'm into him, and if I'm into him he can get me to do it again. Then he'll have even more ammunition to use against me. 

It wasn't because of him, it was the other stuff. He is fit, and really fucking beautiful when he plays. That's not gay, it's just a fact.

What if I'm wrong, and he's being quiet about it because he was wanking too? I wonder if hearing me wank turned him on as much as the thought of him hearing me wank turned me on.

I have to stop thinking about Baz and wanking. I'm getting hard again.

I pretend to be asleep when Baz gets back. He doesn't even turn on the light, he just gets ready in the dark. I'd be bumping into everything and I'd never be able to find my pyjamas. But he's just walking around all graceful like he doesn't need a light.

He can see in the dark. He could have watched me, really watched me. Then he'd know I was looking at him at the same time. Fuck. 

I have to jerk it tonight, get it out of my system so I stop getting hard every time I think about it.

I figure there's no point in even trying to hide it this time. I'm in the middle of things and I think I can hear him. Just a little, but enough to know. He's wanking too. And it's not just a coincidence. It's proof that he's watching me and getting himself off. Fuck, I can't hold back. I come too fast. But I think I still outlasted Baz. I win.

*

He still acts like nothing happened when we get up in the morning, and I don't know if he knows that I know. I'm going to keep acting like nothing happened. Keep him wondering like I was all week.

I can't stop thinking about it all day. Would he really get turned on watching me get myself off? I think about if watching him would get me hard. It would. Thinking about watching him wank is getting me hard right now, even though I'm in the middle of Greek class. There is nothing less sexy than Greek and the Minotaur. Knowing your roommate was wanking in the bed right next to you would get any bloke hard, yeah.

I force myself to stop thinking. It's harder to do than I would have thought. I'm usually really good at not thinking. I tell myself that I can't think about it until dark, like I don't let myself think about Watford until I'm an hour away.

I'm reasoning with myself now that I can go ahead and think about it. It's dark _outside_ , even if our room is still lit up. As soon as the light goes out I go straight for my dick. I can hear Baz. I know this time. He's definitely wanking too.

*

We've been doing this every night for a couple of weeks now. It's we, not just me, and we both know it. We're starting to get more moonlight and I can see Baz a little now. He's watching. If I needed proof, I've got it. Thinking about him watching was hot, but _knowing_ he's watching is so much hotter.


	3. It's a Game and I Want to Keep Playing

Something's up. Baz should have gone to the catacombs. I hope he doesn't wait til the light's off. Or he at least waits until after we, you know.

I pretend I don't notice. I've gotten really good at pretending. Which is nice because I'm not so good anymore at not thinking.

We're both ready for bed and Baz still doesn't leave. I spell the light off and start to get myself into position. I don't expect to hear anything from the other bed yet, so when I do, I stop and look over. 

Merlin and Morgana, the bloody bastard's already started. Fuck. Just when I think I can't get any more excited, he goes and does this. He's probably just trying to one up me again, but I love it anyway.

I'm thinking about it again the next morning, trying to figure out what happened. He must be plotting again. Maybe he's trying to get me to wank myself to death. No, that's not it because he's doing it just as much as I am.

I think I've got it. He wants me to be so turned on all the time that I can't think about anything except my constantly hard dick. It will be easier for him to beat me if I can't focus all my attention on fighting. He's making me weak.

* 

He doesn't do it again the next night. I mean he watches and wanks like he always does. He just doesn't dive right in. I start to wonder if it was a one time thing.

The night after that, I purposely take my time the getting settled, giving him time to get a head start if he wants it. It was wasted effort. He was way ahead of me.

So I guess we're taking turns now. He's making a game of it. I wish I didn't like that so much.

* 

Of course, because it's Baz, he has to change things up again. To throw me off my game. To keep me guessing. Or he's just toying with me. I think he's just toying with me. He is so hot.

It's his turn. He knows it's his turn. But he's not doing anything. Merlin, I'm so hard right now. But I'll be damned if I start first. 

It's a test of wills. I don't even touch myself. I don't sleep. Not that I could anyway with this raging hard on.

Finally, finally he breaks. The second his hand disappears in his pants, I sigh in relief. I can't help it. I win again.


	4. I Didn't Know A Body Could Even Do That

Agatha broke up with me today. I thought I'd be sad, but I'm not. I don't feel anything. Well, I do feel a little jealous. 

She wants Baz. I can't tell if I'm jealous of Baz because my girlfriend (ex-girlfriend) likes him better, or if I'm jealous of Agatha because I want Baz too. Wait, what? That can't be true. Do I really want Baz? Or do I just want to keep doing what we're doing?

That must be it. It's just mutual wanking. It doesn't mean we have feelings for each other.

Baz has been so loud lately. (I mean at night.) (He's got normal volume during the day.) It's making me mental. I've discovered that I like being loud too, especially when I come. It enhances the experience.

We're still pretending in the daytime, but I'm not pretending at night anymore. I like it better when I'm completely naked, so I just undress first. I put on my pyjamas, the light goes out, and I take them right back off. I'm always too hot for covers, and they just get in the way, so I shove those to the foot of the bed now.

If Baz is going to watch, I'm going to give him something to see. I want him to see all of it. All of me. I want him to know how I touch myself. I'm practically performing for him.

At first there isn't enough moonlight for me to see, but I hear Baz doing... something. I can still hear his moans (Fuck I love his moans) and I can still hear his hand yanking away on his dick. But something else is going on too.

When the moonlight is bright enough again, I find out. Every night he is in a different position. And it gets pretty wild. Like, how does he even do that? Trust Baz to be better at wanking than me. Of fucking course.

I have to one up him, and I've figured out how. I'm going to get in Baz's bed. 

I'm not going to take my pyjamas off that night, because I can't imagine lying next to him, squeezed against each other in his narrow bed, without clothes. I can imagine it, actually. But that might freak us both out, to be honest.

It's a dark night, and I'm sitting on the side of my bed trying to work up my nerve. I can tell Baz is confused, and as frustrated as I was the night he made me wait (for half an hour, the wanker) (that was a joke) (the wanker part).

I focus on not falling or hitting anything as I cross over to his bed, and that helps keep my nerves down. I feel for Baz's mattress and sit where I think his hip might be.

He's not moving and I think I've made a mistake. But I nudge him anyway and he scoots over to make room for me.

It's fucking fantastic. He sounds even better so close to my ear. We're using opposite hands on ourselves. We always do. He prefers his right and I prefer my left. So we aren't bumping elbows. But I can feel him trembling when he comes.

I'm too tired to move and I think I might just sleep here. I'm starting to drift off when I feel Baz spelling us both clean. Somehow he's managed to do it without speaking, so I wonder how much he's practiced.

He must have been doing this every night, and I feel like an idiot for not thinking of it. But I don't think I would have trusted my magic to do it anyway. 

I'm still sensitive, so it's pretty intense feeling his fire magic down there. It burns, but it feels so good. Can he feel his own magic like that? Fuck I'm going to get hard again.

I get up and walk to my bed. I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.


	5. Maybe I'm a Sex Addict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are definitely progressing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for just throwing the last two chapters up without summaries or notes or anything. I was exhausted after a long week, but I'd been dying to post something. So as soon as I got home I threw those up then went to sleep.

I want to do that again, so I do. I just get up and walk to his bed when the light goes out. He makes room again and that's when I remember that it's his turn. He's already rubbing himself over his pyjamas. Yep, this was a good decision.

Is it normal to wank every night and still want more? Maybe I'm a sex addict. But I'm not trying to have sex all the time with random people. I'm not even thinking about having sex with anybody. (Except Baz.) (Only because he's right next to me.) (It doesn't mean I'm gay.)

*

I'm losing control of this game. I'm naked next to him now, gripping his hip so hard I'll probably leave a bruise. (Can vampires bruise?) He's got his little finger in my pubes and he's tugging just a little bit.

I have to say something in the morning. Each time I push a little more, like the first time I touched his hip, I think he's going to break and we can talk about it. But he's a stubborn git and so am I so we just keep playing along. I know I'm not going to say anything in the morning.

Fuck, I want him so bad. I want to touch him. I need to touch him. I'm gonna do it. I am. I'm just gonna reach over and touch his dick. Tomorrow night. When it's my turn again.

*

I do touch him, but just barely. My hand is on top of his dick, but I'm afraid to move. I think he's afraid to move too, and then - Merlin and Morgan and Aleister Fucking Crowley Baz just grabbed my dick. And he's been fucking paying attention to what I like. Fuck, he's good at this. I'm trying to keep up. I'm gripping him now too. Crowley I'm coming, and so is Baz.

We are definitely doing that again.

*

I'm trying to be angry today because fuck Baz for grabbing my dick, touching it in all the right ways, and then fucking acting like it didn't happen. But I'm not even mad. I just want to do it again, and if we talk about it, we might stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the rest of this written, but I'm honestly not loving it. My heart's not really in it anymore. I won't leave it hanging, because I hate when I get invested in something and it's just dropped. But I have to tell you it's not going to be my best work.


	6. Evil Vampire Lair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz goes home for Christmas, Simon tags along.

Baz has been such an arse this week! He keeps pushing me all day, trying to get me to go off, or cry. Or both, probably both. I freak out a little if I see him when I'm on stairs. It's making it hard to get anywhere.

I still can't stop looking at his soft hair and his perfect mouth, though. When he gets up to walk out of class, I look at his trousers and think, I know what's in there. I know what it looks like and what it feels like. It's all I think about anymore and it's driving me crazy. Nights are the only time I get relief.

*

Baz has been pestering me for the last two days to go to Pitch Manor over Christmas break. This must be what he's been plotting all year. Make me want him, make me so desperate to touch his dick every night. He's luring me into enemy territory where he can do anything to me because I'm so weak for him.

"Seriously Snow, just come with me."

"Like I'm just going to walk into your evil vampire lair." I don't mean it. I don't think he's evil anymore. But he's definitely a vampire. I wish he'd just admit it. 

"Nothing will happen to you." I can tell he's frustrated. Good. "Here, I'll take an oath. I'll swear to protect you while you are at my home. It's just two weeks, Snow. Then I will go back to plotting your downfall, I promise."

Crowley he's hot when he sneers at me. Maybe it's not a plot. Maybe he's just afraid that if we take too long of a break from each other, we'll stop practically shagging every night. I'm afraid if we take a break we'll stop practically shagging every night.

"Fine, I'll go. You don't have to make a stupid oath."

I swear his face softens for like half a second, then he's insulting me again. But that softness is the closest he's ever come to acknowledging what's going on between us. I'll take it.

*

Baz's house isn't as scary as I expected it to be. It is still scary. His family has been nice though. His little sister Mordelia is pretty great. She's like a mini-Baz. She talked about the wraiths at dinner and it got me properly creeped out. I don't want them in the room with me. Also, they give me a good excuse to sleep in Baz's room. Mordelia said _he_ creeps _them_ out, so they leave him alone.

When he opens his door, I make up something about the wraiths bothering me, even though I know he's going to give me shit about it tomorrow. And there's the sneer I've been waiting for. "Sleep on the couch, Snow. I'll get you a pillow, but I don't have a spare blanket so you'll just have to deal with it."

I step fully into the room and pull the door closed behind me. It's dark, and Baz is just standing there, not turning on a light. Baz takes my hand. We've never done that before. We never touch. Except our dicks, but that's different. Before I can stop myself I've got my hand on his cheek and I'm kissing him.

Now I know why Agatha and I never got past kissing. I had no idea what great kissing really felt like. _This_ is great kissing. And I want more. So much more.

We end up in his bed, kissing for hours. I keep myself from touching him anywhere else, just his face, and his neck, and his collarbone. I want this to be special, it feels so special. (And good, so good.) I don't want it to be like at Watford. I don't even miss that right now. I just want to drink Baz in and not let my dick distract me. After a long time, I tuck my head under Baz's chin and sleep.

I wake up, and it takes a minute to figure out where I am. I wonder if I'm dreaming, but I wouldn't dream that Baz has morning breath, so it must be real. I can't stay here. If he sees me in his bed it might ruin everything. 

I move to the couch, then lay there thinking about what just happened and how I feel about it. Merlin's beard, I'm in love with him. I smile, I can't help it. It feels true and right and I'm so peaceful I fall back to sleep.

*

I wake up in the morning and Baz is already dressed. He's sneering and telling me I'm going to be late for breakfast. What did I expect, that he'd say, "Good morning, darling"? Today is going to suck.


	7. Fucking Beautiful

Today didn't suck. Baz was still sneery and pompous and a git, but there wasn't any venom in it. 

We had a snowball fight on the lawn. Baz complained the whole time, but I know he had as much fun as I did. Mordelia and I formed a team, and we pelted him ruthlessly. I felt bad that it was two against one, so I backed off and let him win.

Daphne made up Baz's couch so I could sleep there again and not be bothered by wraiths. 

*

We've said goodnight and Baz is turning out the light. I'm so nervous my magic is starting to rise. I push it back down. No matter what is about to happen, I don't want my magic to get in the way.

I'm restless and I don't know what to do. Did the kissing scare him off last night? Does he want me to come to him again?

Then he's right here and his hands are on my face and he's pulling me into a kiss. I want to cry because it's so perfect. But I don't. I just keep kissing Baz.

I don't want us to stop at shirt collars tonight, so when we walk to his bed I pull my shirt off. Baz takes his off too. Good, we're on the same page here.

I want this. I want to touch him everywhere. _Everywhere_. I press into him and take his hand so I can feel our fingers laced together. Our bodies are closer than they've ever been.

Baz flips us (he's so fucking strong) and starts kissing my chest. He's aiming for my moles again, and he can get to a lot more of them now. I don't know why, but he seems to be into them. All of his kisses feel good so I'm not complaining.

There is one mole below my navel and when he starts kissing there I think I might explode. (But in a good way.)(Not like going off.) I need to take control again, so I do. I push Baz back down so I can kiss his chest. 

I kiss my way toward his stomach. He doesn't have anything like moles for me to target, but there's plenty I want to touch. And kiss. And lick. Crowley, he's beautiful. Fucking beautiful.

I want him to know what he was doing to me when he kissed that mole on my stomach. I start by drawing little circles with my finger, right about where my mole would be. I watch his face, and I'm getting the reaction I want.

I kiss the spot right below his navel. I lick along his waistband, from one side to the other, then I go back across with tiny kisses.

I want to go lower, but before I can Baz reaches down and guides me back to his mouth. I'm on top of him now. We're both hard and we're grinding into each other. The only thing separating us is pyjama bottoms. I need to fix that.

Baz is too quick, though. He 's reached his hand into my pants and taken hold of my dick. It's a familiar feeling, but different at the same time. Because we're face to face. And we're kissing. 

I don't want to pull away, but I really need these pyjama bottoms gone. I slip mine off, then I reach up to Baz's waistband and pull his off too. I leave his next to mine at the foot of the bed, then I climb back on top of him. The rubbing is definitely better now.

Baz takes both of us in his hand. Thank magic for his long fingers. He's not moving fast enough. He's teasing us both. I need more so I put my hand on his and take control.

I'm getting close, and Baz rolls us again so he's back on top. He's let go of his own dick and just has mine. It's like he remembers every way I like to be touched and he's unleashing it all at once.

I come spectacularly. Everything is Baz. I'm yelling and I think what I'm saying is Baz, over and over.

He's coming too, and I wish I could've touched him again first. He cries out, and it's not his usual gibberish. It's “Simon.” Fuck me. Fuck us both.

I'm not going to think about it. I'm just going to sleep right here next to Baz, because he's cold and I'm hot and we're both too tired to move.


	8. We Have to Talk

I'm awake and I still don't want to move and I still don't want to think. I lean over and kiss Baz on the mouth, because I can. 

I lean into him and I can tell we're both hard. We're doing this again and it's everything. He's everything. I know I'm yelling his name this time, and he's yelling mine.

*

The sun is up and I'm starting to panic. There's no way I can not think about this now. I can't go back to the way we always are in the daylight.

I sit up, and I can't look at Baz. I'm afraid he'll be sneering and then insult my performance or something. I feel vulnerable so I get my pyjama bottoms and put them back on. I toss Baz's back to him.

I can't stand this anymore, so I open my mouth. 

“We have to talk about this. I know I'm not good at words, but we have to talk. Out loud. With words.” It comes out stupid, but I don't care. 

I can feel him behind me, but he's not touching me. I keep going.

“Baz, I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of pretending that everything is normal all day. I'm tired of pretending that what we do in the dark isn't real. I'm tired of pretending that I'm not thinking about this, thinking about you, every minute of every day and counting the hours until we can do it again.”

There, I said it. I'm shaking a little, but Baz leans into my back and it steadies me. He puts his arms around me and his chin is on my shoulder. This might just be ok.

“I don't want to pretend anymore either. I don't want to pretend that I'm not aching to hold your hand when we walk to class. I don't want to pretend that I'm not gay. And I don't want to pretend that I haven't been completely, hopelessly, in love with you since Fifth Year.”

He's gay? I didn't know that. Wait. He's in love with me? He's been in love with me since Fifth Year? How long have I been in love with him?

I want to tell him, but this is what comes out, "I'm tired of pretending that you aren't the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.” 

I'm really shite with words. He is beautiful, that's true. But I meant to say I love you.

I feel Baz take a deep breath, but I'm not afraid of what he's going to say anymore.

“I don't want to pretend that you weren't my first kiss and my first time. I don't want to pretend that I didn't just lose my virginity to you, because even if months of mutual masturbation don't count, what we did last night-”

“And this morning,” I remind him.

“And this morning, counts. We've had sex, Simon.”

We've. Had. Sex. Actual sex between two people. I'm not a virgin anymore. And I was his first kiss.

I turn around because I have to see his face. His beautiful face. I'm sitting in his lap and kissing him. I start talking again because I can't stop myself but it's getting even harder for me to make sense.

“I don't want to pretend that I don't want to keep doing this. I don't want to pretend that I don't want to be your boyfriend.”

I lean in to kiss him again, but he stops me. He's says something that almost sounds like he's being an arse and he calls me Snow.

“You called me Simon before.”

“No, I didn't” 

But I think he said he wants to be my boyfriend.

I roll my eyes at him for trying to be a git again. But I worry a little that it's not what he wants. “I want to be your boyfriend during the night and the day. If you want me.”

“What part of 'completely and hopelessly in love with you since Fifth Year' was unclear to you?”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, Simon. That's a yes.”

I love this man.


End file.
